Well, there is a ton I could talk about today. Really, I have no time to write this but I feel compelled to. I am going to skip the obvious: The US Senator trying to get/give head in an air port toilet, the never ending bitching about how it everybody else's fault that Katrina wiped them out and are intentionally keeping them down, how this presidential candidate is making stuff up about that presidential candidate... No no. I will keep it to just three issues. More than my normal, true, but not as many as I could go after today.
First, Bush wants to bail out the mortgage companies who made horrible decisions and lost a ton of money. Those are big boys and girls in charge of those banks. They knew the risks. Yet like everything else, e.g. airlines, Amtrak, certain other industries who make retarded choices, we the tax payers are forced to foot the bill, this time for predatory lenders, before for airlines who treat their customers like shit and charge for a disgusting sandwich. Tell ya what airlines people, you want us to fly more, try being on time, giving us a modicum of leg room, and don't let fuckers with box cutters on.
So once again we bail out stupid corporations who lent 115% of an appraised value to somebody with a 500 credit score who works at Winchell's. Of course those who took the aforementioned loan or some some reverse-am mortgage, blame the company. Please people... You just make my job harder.
Second, I want to talk about WMDs. A man I know met a Brit the other day who was in the British Navy a while back before we invaded. The Brit told him that they had continually stopped boat loads of chemical and biological weapons headed to sea from Iraq as well as nuke parts. Of course we never heard about it. While I was there I heard several first hand accounts both from Iraqis and Americans who were there before of similar stories. Tie this in with the bottle of Phosgene gas found in some drawer next to the Malox and Advil in a UN building in downtown New York City. Picked up in '96 in Iraq and kinda just stuffed aside, it is a very good thing Saddam didn't have any WMDs. I mean he destroyed them all of course. Some time between '96 and '03, he apparently was able to destroy all his WMDs, all the while hiding them from spy satellites and people on the ground. Oh, yeah, and all the documents related to it were destroyed too. That must be why he didn't let the inspectors in after UN resolution 1441. He didn't want them to see the paper work scattered all over the place.
And finally, the Weekly World News closed its doors. Yes, no more reading about BatBoy in the grocery lines. No more Elvis mating with an alien. Not even bigfoot sightings at Wal Mart. No, that is over. And what is worse, I saw an interview with three formers writers for the WWN and they came out and said the stories were made up. I was crushed. I felt like I did when I was a kids and for the first time, caught two wrestlers talking to each other during the match, discussing the next move while one was in a head lock. It's like finding out finally there is no Santa. You kinda knew, but you never wanted the proof. So long WWN. You will be missed.
Friday, August 31, 2007
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Salt 'N' Peppa's here
In a break from my typically serious and often time angry blogs, I want to take a quick diversion and talk about something fun.
I want to talk about sex. Let's face it, we all want it, we need it, we spend a hell of a lot of time thinking about it and how to get it... yet pound for pound it creates more problems in our life than just about anything else. From one buddy who just "couldn't get off" when he wore a condom so didn't, who subsequently had to have a long Q-tip shoved up his pee hole, to the numerous rug rats I know that, for lack of a better term were "oopses", sex just seems to have a never ending sequence of bad side effects that smack us in the face.
There is the awkward silence at the water cooler the next morning.
Painful urination.
Infidelity, leading to divorce, leading to "HALF!"
Disappointed families.
The waking up next to somebody you generally would not wake up next to. (Please the the often forwarded picture of the two passed out frat guys, half naked in bed, one with his hand down the other's boxers)
Arrests in prostitution stings.
Oh yeah and death.
All of these things we willingly endure for the half hour or so of fun and a few seconds of toe-curling Oh My GOD!
I realized however, at least for guys, that it starts at a young age. If you had an Italian grandmother you know that a penis was meant for peeing, not touching. If you were say, oh I dunno, five and in the tub, and you touched it (your own mind you), you would most likely be greeted with a loud and thunderous "DON'T TOUCH THAT!"
Then as we get to middle school, touching it took on a whole new meaning. Which of course led to a cloak and dagger style, top secret mission of finding the time, place, and appropriate cover up technique. And while generally parents don't resort to bells on the hands the way they did in the Renaissance, you still had to be careful because there is nothing worse than having some quality man to hand time and having your mom walk in on you. Now while I never really had a bad experience like that, one buddy of mine... busted 4 times... poor bastard. And to top it all off, you had to deny it to your buddies 'cuz man, you were gay if you jerked off in middle school. Gay I say. All of that for something that made your arm tired and really is more of a pain in the ass than anything. Except of course for the last few seconds at the end. But some how those few seconds made it worth it. And don't even get me started on what I saw at summer camp.
Enter high school, when those lucky enough to get laid did so with great clumsiness and much bragging. Nobody denied slapping the salami any more but still you had to resort to the same 007 skills you learned in middle school. We did what we could to get laid, often with the help of alcohol. But if you did, then you had the rumor mill. There was one kid, whose name will not be mentioned here, who had a tiny dick and the whole school knew. I mean tiny the way some small woodland animals have tiny dicks. He slept with one girl and the rumor began. Slept with a second girl and rumor became high-school lore. And while he probably makes more money than I do, I can go to sleep at night knowing that my schlong dwarfs his, and therefor, I am more of a man. Make sense? Good.
We didn't have the problem of teenage pregnancy in my high school at least not publicly. In my high school if a girl had gotten knocked up it would have been taken care of very quietly. That was the way of the world for the kids I went to school with. Money fixes everything. But elsewhere you run that risk all the time, without the nice quiet answer. High school, college, and beyond. Everybody knows the risks and for a roll in the hay, is willing to take them. It can't be the natural drive to procreate, like some would have you believe all sex is for, because that wouldn't explain why gays would have the drive. Rather I think it's far more base. It feels good. Simple as that. Some people like it for the simple physical feeling and that is all there is to it. I on the other hand, find the psychological aspect just as attractive. Either way, psychologically or physically, it feels good.
And we, on the whole, get totally blinded by whatever it is that drives us to it. How many buddies have I warned not to mess around with a particular girl? Countless. Did they listen? Nope. Was I right? Yep. In the words of the great poet, Anthony Ray, "Don't pet the cat, if you just met the cat. But if you're already sprung on the cat, well then you might as well eat the cat." Some sage advice, Mix-A-Lot, however the final line of the shows our weakness as guys. Follow your hose... it always knows.
So there is no answer. We will always do what we can to get sex, consequences be damned. Some of us are more careful than others but we all make mistakes on behalf of our cocks. From cradle to grave, there is a reason our dicks stand out in front of us. They are there to lead the way. To be the beacon on the hill. Such as it was, so it is now, and so shall it always be. Forever and ever. Amen
I want to talk about sex. Let's face it, we all want it, we need it, we spend a hell of a lot of time thinking about it and how to get it... yet pound for pound it creates more problems in our life than just about anything else. From one buddy who just "couldn't get off" when he wore a condom so didn't, who subsequently had to have a long Q-tip shoved up his pee hole, to the numerous rug rats I know that, for lack of a better term were "oopses", sex just seems to have a never ending sequence of bad side effects that smack us in the face.
There is the awkward silence at the water cooler the next morning.
Painful urination.
Infidelity, leading to divorce, leading to "HALF!"
Disappointed families.
The waking up next to somebody you generally would not wake up next to. (Please the the often forwarded picture of the two passed out frat guys, half naked in bed, one with his hand down the other's boxers)
Arrests in prostitution stings.
Oh yeah and death.
All of these things we willingly endure for the half hour or so of fun and a few seconds of toe-curling Oh My GOD!
I realized however, at least for guys, that it starts at a young age. If you had an Italian grandmother you know that a penis was meant for peeing, not touching. If you were say, oh I dunno, five and in the tub, and you touched it (your own mind you), you would most likely be greeted with a loud and thunderous "DON'T TOUCH THAT!"
Then as we get to middle school, touching it took on a whole new meaning. Which of course led to a cloak and dagger style, top secret mission of finding the time, place, and appropriate cover up technique. And while generally parents don't resort to bells on the hands the way they did in the Renaissance, you still had to be careful because there is nothing worse than having some quality man to hand time and having your mom walk in on you. Now while I never really had a bad experience like that, one buddy of mine... busted 4 times... poor bastard. And to top it all off, you had to deny it to your buddies 'cuz man, you were gay if you jerked off in middle school. Gay I say. All of that for something that made your arm tired and really is more of a pain in the ass than anything. Except of course for the last few seconds at the end. But some how those few seconds made it worth it. And don't even get me started on what I saw at summer camp.
Enter high school, when those lucky enough to get laid did so with great clumsiness and much bragging. Nobody denied slapping the salami any more but still you had to resort to the same 007 skills you learned in middle school. We did what we could to get laid, often with the help of alcohol. But if you did, then you had the rumor mill. There was one kid, whose name will not be mentioned here, who had a tiny dick and the whole school knew. I mean tiny the way some small woodland animals have tiny dicks. He slept with one girl and the rumor began. Slept with a second girl and rumor became high-school lore. And while he probably makes more money than I do, I can go to sleep at night knowing that my schlong dwarfs his, and therefor, I am more of a man. Make sense? Good.
We didn't have the problem of teenage pregnancy in my high school at least not publicly. In my high school if a girl had gotten knocked up it would have been taken care of very quietly. That was the way of the world for the kids I went to school with. Money fixes everything. But elsewhere you run that risk all the time, without the nice quiet answer. High school, college, and beyond. Everybody knows the risks and for a roll in the hay, is willing to take them. It can't be the natural drive to procreate, like some would have you believe all sex is for, because that wouldn't explain why gays would have the drive. Rather I think it's far more base. It feels good. Simple as that. Some people like it for the simple physical feeling and that is all there is to it. I on the other hand, find the psychological aspect just as attractive. Either way, psychologically or physically, it feels good.
And we, on the whole, get totally blinded by whatever it is that drives us to it. How many buddies have I warned not to mess around with a particular girl? Countless. Did they listen? Nope. Was I right? Yep. In the words of the great poet, Anthony Ray, "Don't pet the cat, if you just met the cat. But if you're already sprung on the cat, well then you might as well eat the cat." Some sage advice, Mix-A-Lot, however the final line of the shows our weakness as guys. Follow your hose... it always knows.
So there is no answer. We will always do what we can to get sex, consequences be damned. Some of us are more careful than others but we all make mistakes on behalf of our cocks. From cradle to grave, there is a reason our dicks stand out in front of us. They are there to lead the way. To be the beacon on the hill. Such as it was, so it is now, and so shall it always be. Forever and ever. Amen
Friday, August 10, 2007
enough
Screw the offense rating. read it anyway, pussy!
Dateline: New Jersey
An illegal Peruvian man, Jose Carranza, along with two Hispanic teens, lined 4 college students up against a wall, made them kneel, and killed three of them execution style. The fourth was shot in the head but lived. He pleaded not guilty. He was previously arrested for assault in a bar fight. He was arrested recently for raping a 5 year old girl and was let out on bond. He then threatened to kill the girl and her family if they testified, he was again arrested and let out on bond. Now, three are dead and one has a bullet in her skull. His illegal status has been known and we did nothing about it. Further more, only one major news channel carried the story this morning as it broke. Are the Liberals that interested in the illegal vote? This goes past just regular Democrats who believe in hard work and fairness. This is that special blend of Liberal who thinks that illegals should have endangered species status and have their own sanctuaries in our streets. A game preserve if you will. Enter Geraldo Rivera, who blames America for "luring" illegals here with prosperity. Recently it has been found that Al-Qaida has been tagging along with human and drug traffickers, changing their names to Gonzalez, and slipping into the country with the "not-dangerous" illegals bringing drugs and gang members. And the spineless Dub-ya, who says we can't deport 12 million illegals, can't get his shit together enough to deport the ones accused of raping 5 year olds. Then again, New Jersey is pretty much a Liberal Democrat state and one would think they would be more complicit in this than the Feds. After all he was a guest in the penal system several times. If you want to close the borders, give our guys on the border a shoot to kill order for anybody who tries to get in illegally. Put up all the "Peligro" signs you need. Have hippies out there with bottled water to help the illegals to turn around and get back home... do all that stuff, and then kill the ones who continue to try to get in. No more. Our streets are turning to war zones, much of our gun and drug problem is a direct result of the trafficking coming in from Mexico. Gang bangers using full autos didn't pick them up at the local sporting goods store. Cars are stolen here and taken down there. People are kidnapped here and sold there. These are not the immigrants who built America, came here legally, paid taxes, FORCED their kids to learn English and adapt to the American way of life. This is absurd. Cub Scouts could defend our border better than what we have now. And I'm tired of hearing that fucking oompa music blaring from some '78 Pinto every time I go east of Sheridan...
Terrence Aeriel Dead
Dashon Harvey Dead
Iofemi Hightower Dead
Natasha Aeriel Shot in the head but alive
Dateline: New Jersey
An illegal Peruvian man, Jose Carranza, along with two Hispanic teens, lined 4 college students up against a wall, made them kneel, and killed three of them execution style. The fourth was shot in the head but lived. He pleaded not guilty. He was previously arrested for assault in a bar fight. He was arrested recently for raping a 5 year old girl and was let out on bond. He then threatened to kill the girl and her family if they testified, he was again arrested and let out on bond. Now, three are dead and one has a bullet in her skull. His illegal status has been known and we did nothing about it. Further more, only one major news channel carried the story this morning as it broke. Are the Liberals that interested in the illegal vote? This goes past just regular Democrats who believe in hard work and fairness. This is that special blend of Liberal who thinks that illegals should have endangered species status and have their own sanctuaries in our streets. A game preserve if you will. Enter Geraldo Rivera, who blames America for "luring" illegals here with prosperity. Recently it has been found that Al-Qaida has been tagging along with human and drug traffickers, changing their names to Gonzalez, and slipping into the country with the "not-dangerous" illegals bringing drugs and gang members. And the spineless Dub-ya, who says we can't deport 12 million illegals, can't get his shit together enough to deport the ones accused of raping 5 year olds. Then again, New Jersey is pretty much a Liberal Democrat state and one would think they would be more complicit in this than the Feds. After all he was a guest in the penal system several times. If you want to close the borders, give our guys on the border a shoot to kill order for anybody who tries to get in illegally. Put up all the "Peligro" signs you need. Have hippies out there with bottled water to help the illegals to turn around and get back home... do all that stuff, and then kill the ones who continue to try to get in. No more. Our streets are turning to war zones, much of our gun and drug problem is a direct result of the trafficking coming in from Mexico. Gang bangers using full autos didn't pick them up at the local sporting goods store. Cars are stolen here and taken down there. People are kidnapped here and sold there. These are not the immigrants who built America, came here legally, paid taxes, FORCED their kids to learn English and adapt to the American way of life. This is absurd. Cub Scouts could defend our border better than what we have now. And I'm tired of hearing that fucking oompa music blaring from some '78 Pinto every time I go east of Sheridan...
Terrence Aeriel Dead
Dashon Harvey Dead
Iofemi Hightower Dead
Natasha Aeriel Shot in the head but alive
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