Yup, I said it... Your parents hate each other. Don't deny it. You know it's true. If not hate, then at least can't stand. It was just today that I came to the following realization:
I know zero happily married couples. None, nada, zilch.
My favorite line of all unhappily married couples is "No marriage is perfect but ours is pretty good." Bull shit. That's like telling me getting kicked in the balls is never great but if you do it this way it isn't so bad.
I wish I could read minds. Not only would I make a killing at the poker tables but I would love to see all the nasty little secrets all the marriages have around me. I live in Ward and June Cleaver-Ville where everybody (except me) has 2.5 kids, a dog, and a beige house. Well, the beige house I have but not the kids or the dog, and everybody puts on this great facade but then forget that our houses are only millimeters apart and everyone can hear when they fight about him going out drinking with his buddies (which I whole heartedly support) and her banging the tennis pro. What in the hell is the point?
What are they trying to prove here?
We all know that marriage ends up with everybody involved miserable yet we always think we will be the ones to break the cycle. Are we that retarded. Thankfully I have never been sucked into the black hole of eternal monogamy, though it was a close call, and even though I always wanted a wife and 2.5 kids, recently I've really begun to question that. Think about it this way:
Scenario one is that you get married, you have kids (optional), get divorced, die
Scenario two is you get married, have kids (once again optional) stay married and be miserable, die.
Scenario three, the "best case scenario" get married, kids yadda yadda yadda, you live happily ever after, watch the love of your life die (or visa versa).
Or scenario four, stay single, fuck like a bunny, drink with your buddies, pray to God in heaven you don't add any more kids to this already overpopulated and pussified world, die happily, being shot to death at the age of 102 by a jealous husband.
I'll take scenario four thank you very much. I just don't think it's worth it anymore. Not that I can see anyway. To all of my married friends... best of luck on your journey, you'll need it. And don't raise you kids to be pussies or ass holes or I will be royally pissed. To all my buddies so wrapped up in vagina they have to sit down to piss, and plan on getting married, good luck to you too. I'm sure you will be the one to break the cycle and show the rest of us how the marriage game is played.
And oh yeah, if any of you can refute this, and say that marriage is a great thing and that it works, please, by all means try. But I will defend it with all the knowledge I have of your mom in the donkey show in Tijuana and your dad's cub scout fetish. Bring it on, Mr. Cleaver.
Saturday, March 8, 2008
Saturday, February 16, 2008
The Holy Catholic Church and Self Love
OK people. Most of you know me and know that I am a student of religion. I study as much as I can about as many religions as I can in order to understand the whole deal better.
Now, that being said, I have hit upon some hard times lately and I don't have cable. In fact I have rabbit ears, which many of you born in the late '80's would have no idea about. Anyway, I only get a like 7 stations and one of those is EWTN (Eternal Word Television Network) a product of the Holy Roman Catholic Church.
To give you some back ground, I was born and raised Catholic. I went to Catholic school from 6th to 8th grade and, for the most part, I love the Church for it's history, tradition, and pageantry. Yes I know that it is propagating a fallacy, but you know what, that's OK by me. Most people blow them off when they get really out of line.
Anyway, I was watching this priest tonight who sounded a lot like Sean Connery. This guy went through the ten commandments (fifteen commandments if you have seen History of the World) and sure enough he got to the 6th commandment... Thou shall not commit adultery. And in true off the wall fashion, he included "impure thoughts" masturbation, and of course pre-marital sex as adultery. Guilty, guilty, and guilty. Now, my flock, these are "MORTAL SINS" which pretty much means if you ever saw a hot chick and said "Wow she's hot." or ever beat you meat, or ever shtoinked some chica you are pretty much going to hell unless you go and tell some 40year old virgin about it, ask for forgiveness, and say 30 Hail Mary's.
I can't even imagine that this ideology is still around. I mean, how ridiculous. To think that a natural human characteristic is a sin is baffling to me. This is the kind of shit that pisses me off. Granted, Catholics never tried to blow me up with an IED but this is still some shit I don't need. I've done enough bad stuff in my life (thank you Kirk and 7-11) that I don't need some jerk telling me I'm going to hell for slapping my salami.
I thought this shit was over, man. But to give the audience credit, when this priest was going off about this, they were pretty much frozen in their seats, not knowing how to react to such nonsense. Yet the "beat" goes on. And I assure you, having once gone over 30 days without any... outlet, for my sinful ways, you don't want a world full of pissed off and horny guys roaming the streets, 'cuz somebody is getting their ass kicked... people get shot like that. Am I off on this or what?
The Hollow Man
Proudly defiling himself since 1989
Now, that being said, I have hit upon some hard times lately and I don't have cable. In fact I have rabbit ears, which many of you born in the late '80's would have no idea about. Anyway, I only get a like 7 stations and one of those is EWTN (Eternal Word Television Network) a product of the Holy Roman Catholic Church.
To give you some back ground, I was born and raised Catholic. I went to Catholic school from 6th to 8th grade and, for the most part, I love the Church for it's history, tradition, and pageantry. Yes I know that it is propagating a fallacy, but you know what, that's OK by me. Most people blow them off when they get really out of line.
Anyway, I was watching this priest tonight who sounded a lot like Sean Connery. This guy went through the ten commandments (fifteen commandments if you have seen History of the World) and sure enough he got to the 6th commandment... Thou shall not commit adultery. And in true off the wall fashion, he included "impure thoughts" masturbation, and of course pre-marital sex as adultery. Guilty, guilty, and guilty. Now, my flock, these are "MORTAL SINS" which pretty much means if you ever saw a hot chick and said "Wow she's hot." or ever beat you meat, or ever shtoinked some chica you are pretty much going to hell unless you go and tell some 40year old virgin about it, ask for forgiveness, and say 30 Hail Mary's.
I can't even imagine that this ideology is still around. I mean, how ridiculous. To think that a natural human characteristic is a sin is baffling to me. This is the kind of shit that pisses me off. Granted, Catholics never tried to blow me up with an IED but this is still some shit I don't need. I've done enough bad stuff in my life (thank you Kirk and 7-11) that I don't need some jerk telling me I'm going to hell for slapping my salami.
I thought this shit was over, man. But to give the audience credit, when this priest was going off about this, they were pretty much frozen in their seats, not knowing how to react to such nonsense. Yet the "beat" goes on. And I assure you, having once gone over 30 days without any... outlet, for my sinful ways, you don't want a world full of pissed off and horny guys roaming the streets, 'cuz somebody is getting their ass kicked... people get shot like that. Am I off on this or what?
The Hollow Man
Proudly defiling himself since 1989
Friday, February 1, 2008
Two in the pink...
Well I have said it before and I will say it again, America is slowly but surely making our way towards oblivion. I have spoken about illegals, terrorists and Islamists and it always seems to fall on deaf ears. People blow me off when I say that I'm not convinced about global warming, they brush me off when I say our legal system is self destructing and they don't believe me when I say there are, no matter how loving and caring you are, there are some people in this world that would just as soon kill you as have dialog with you, even if you are out there supporting their "cause". Please see the Christian peace activists who went to Iraq when I was there who were subsequently captured and either tortured and held captive or tortured and found face down in the Tigris . By the terrorists, not by us thank you very much.
I recently heard of a group that for some reason has flown under my radar as of late. Shame on me for not paying more attention but now that they are in my sights I will be sure to keep up on them. Code Pink is the name of the grou. This group actually gets city funding and spends their time protesting and defacing Marine recruitment centers and the other morning on Fox News said they advocate the assassination of US Marines on sight. On their website Code Pink says "We reject the Bush administration's fear-based politics that justify violence, and instead call for policies based on compassion, kindness and a commitment to international law. With an emphasis on joy and humor, CODEPINK women and men seek to activate, amplify and inspire a community of peacemakers through creative campaigns and a commitment to non-violence"
With an emphasis on joy and humor... I have no words. International relations with an emphasis on joy and humor. They say the Bush administration has fear based politics and let me tell you, if they had seen some of the things I and others who have served have seen, they would be hiding in a closet in the fetal position rocking back and forth saying "There's no place like home. There's no place like home." They don't know what fear is. They don't know what is out there. In fact they are so insane, they actually protested in front of Nancy Pelosi's San Francisco home because the blood of innocents were on her hands and it was "her war". My God... Pelosi just said "You're not my constituents." and walked on. When Nancy Pelosi denounces you for being a Liberal douche you have to be in another realm of being.
The Berkeley City Council this week voted to tell the Marines their downtown recruiting station is not welcome and "if recruiters choose to stay, they do so as uninvited and unwelcome guests," according to The Associated Press.
Are they retarded? Since when does some backwards city council have the right to tell a branch of the federal government they are not welcomed? If indeed they are not welcome then no federal money should be welcomed and to that end, no state funding either since the state also gets federal funding.
I actually find it humorous that this group of insane women (more insane than the rest of them anyway) doesn't support us going over there to help these people out. Let me tell you a little bit about how women are treated in Iraq. In 130 plus degree heat, you will find a man driving a pickup truck with his 5 and 10 year old sons (and oddly enough a dog once), comfortably in the cab with the AC on and his wife, three daughters, and a grandma in a black, head-to-toe burka, in the bed of the truck, bouncing along a bumpy dirt canal road. When I was in the Kuwaiti airport the women, with eyes only exposed, with all seven kids in tow, walked 5 steps behind the men. Women are in fact possessions over there and I would truly enjoy seeing the Code Pink chicks become the property of men. Hell I would have three or four just to do it. I might even convert just so I could.
And now we find out Al Qaida has been using retarded women as suicide bombers (well, more retarded than the rest of them anyway). And I'm not using the word retarded off the cuff, I mean they are literally using women that are mentally retarded as "suicide bombers." "There has to be a limit to the depravity!" You say. NO! you soft, lazy, egocentric American! There isn't! This is even worse then when we saw "suicide bombers" handcuffed to steering wheels, just to find out their families were being held until after they detonated the car bombs. You have no idea what is out there. And as soon as we all recognize the fact that we cannot deal with these people as humans, the sooner we can be safe and get our guys out of there.
At least out of the Democrats Hillary understands what is out there. She may spout bull-shit to appease the Boulder types but when push comes to shove she knows. Obama just frightens me.
So, Code Pink, you call Bush and Rice "war criminals", I say take your plight to Iraq and Afghanistan. I'm sure you will find many sympathetic ears there. Hell I'll even pitch in for your airfare.
I recently heard of a group that for some reason has flown under my radar as of late. Shame on me for not paying more attention but now that they are in my sights I will be sure to keep up on them. Code Pink is the name of the grou. This group actually gets city funding and spends their time protesting and defacing Marine recruitment centers and the other morning on Fox News said they advocate the assassination of US Marines on sight. On their website Code Pink says "We reject the Bush administration's fear-based politics that justify violence, and instead call for policies based on compassion, kindness and a commitment to international law. With an emphasis on joy and humor, CODEPINK women and men seek to activate, amplify and inspire a community of peacemakers through creative campaigns and a commitment to non-violence"
With an emphasis on joy and humor... I have no words. International relations with an emphasis on joy and humor. They say the Bush administration has fear based politics and let me tell you, if they had seen some of the things I and others who have served have seen, they would be hiding in a closet in the fetal position rocking back and forth saying "There's no place like home. There's no place like home." They don't know what fear is. They don't know what is out there. In fact they are so insane, they actually protested in front of Nancy Pelosi's San Francisco home because the blood of innocents were on her hands and it was "her war". My God... Pelosi just said "You're not my constituents." and walked on. When Nancy Pelosi denounces you for being a Liberal douche you have to be in another realm of being.
The Berkeley City Council this week voted to tell the Marines their downtown recruiting station is not welcome and "if recruiters choose to stay, they do so as uninvited and unwelcome guests," according to The Associated Press.
Are they retarded? Since when does some backwards city council have the right to tell a branch of the federal government they are not welcomed? If indeed they are not welcome then no federal money should be welcomed and to that end, no state funding either since the state also gets federal funding.
I actually find it humorous that this group of insane women (more insane than the rest of them anyway) doesn't support us going over there to help these people out. Let me tell you a little bit about how women are treated in Iraq. In 130 plus degree heat, you will find a man driving a pickup truck with his 5 and 10 year old sons (and oddly enough a dog once), comfortably in the cab with the AC on and his wife, three daughters, and a grandma in a black, head-to-toe burka, in the bed of the truck, bouncing along a bumpy dirt canal road. When I was in the Kuwaiti airport the women, with eyes only exposed, with all seven kids in tow, walked 5 steps behind the men. Women are in fact possessions over there and I would truly enjoy seeing the Code Pink chicks become the property of men. Hell I would have three or four just to do it. I might even convert just so I could.
And now we find out Al Qaida has been using retarded women as suicide bombers (well, more retarded than the rest of them anyway). And I'm not using the word retarded off the cuff, I mean they are literally using women that are mentally retarded as "suicide bombers." "There has to be a limit to the depravity!" You say. NO! you soft, lazy, egocentric American! There isn't! This is even worse then when we saw "suicide bombers" handcuffed to steering wheels, just to find out their families were being held until after they detonated the car bombs. You have no idea what is out there. And as soon as we all recognize the fact that we cannot deal with these people as humans, the sooner we can be safe and get our guys out of there.
At least out of the Democrats Hillary understands what is out there. She may spout bull-shit to appease the Boulder types but when push comes to shove she knows. Obama just frightens me.
So, Code Pink, you call Bush and Rice "war criminals", I say take your plight to Iraq and Afghanistan. I'm sure you will find many sympathetic ears there. Hell I'll even pitch in for your airfare.
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
It's not easy being green
OK, so I had a very interesting conversation the other night with some friends of mine and it revolved around politics in general, with an emphasis on the environment. This is how it broke down; One of the people I was talking to cared more about how we were destroying our planet than anything else in the world, and I wasn't convinced. Being that I can't really speak for them in total, I will try my best to give you their side.
Our planet is in dire peril, we are running out of fossil fuels, the ice caps are melting at an alarming rate, there is an alarming amount of CO2 in our atmosphere, our ozone layer in depleted, the "hockey stick" theory of earth's temperature (which is debunked in one of the links at the end of this blog), and we are killing off species left and right. I was also informed that a recent study came out in which 100% (that's right, 100%) of scientists agree that global warming is real.
That's not exactly what I found.
My side is as follows. Humans are incapable, outside of detonating multiple, high-yield nuclear warheads, of messing out our planet in such a short amount of time. The Earth is not some fragile little glass ball floating through the comfort of a nice, soft, downy, space blanket. We have lived through ice ages and thaws, massive catastrophic meteor hits, super-volcano eruptions nearly destroying all life on Earth (please check out the Yellowstone Caldera for more info), earthquakes, tsunamis, and all sorts of mean nasty, and might I add, natural, stuff.
I further assert that in fact the "Green" movement is nothing more than a ploy to gain power and money. Al Gore was a mediocre politician until he furthered the religion of environmentalism and picked himself up a Nobel Prize. On my way to work today I heard yet another in the series of Alstate insurance ads urging us to go with Alstate because of how "Green" they are, books are sold by the millions about the environment, auto-makers make "green cars" that really aren't nearly as green as they would have you believe (Prius), "not-for-profit" organizations bring in hundreds of millions of dollars to save the One-Legged Tazmanian Digging Squirrel, all the while actually stopping us from making the world a better place. Let me explain.
The worse off people can make the environment sound the more money they make. Pure and simple. Greenpeace, one of the most destructive organizations towards the environment known to man, and exists solely by scaring people into giving money to their cause. They do everything they can to stop new nuclear power plants or anything else that would actually help the environment. They claim that they want to end our reliance on oil but in actuality they are trying to stop us from doing anything about it.
Case in point: They claim that nuclear power is dangerous and dirty. They lobby to stop the new construction of nuclear power plants, they send frogmen to disable nuke ships, and they continue with the rhetoric of Nuclear power is the worst form of energy. They also don't want us to use oil based fuels so pretty much they want us to ship our good over seas by wind and sail. In fact nuclear energy is the one of the cleanest forms of energy there is. It's not dangerous either, despite what the environmentalists tell you. They love to bring up Three Mile Island as a great tragedy and failure of nuclear power when in fact not one person died from it. Chernobyl is an example of what happens when a Communist country that can't afford to feed it's people puts Homer Simpson in charge of a reactor. That indeed is the only real example of any major problem in the history of nuclear power.
Much of Europe is indeed powered by nuclear energy yet in America we are continually told it is a bad thing and are prohibited from exploring it as a way to get safe and clean energy. There is another group that benefits from Greenpeace's war against nuke power and that is the oil industry. In fact when you boil it right down, almost everything Greenpeace and the Earth Liberation Front (ELF) do jives very well with the oil companies and it would not surprise me if there was money being funneled in from the oil companies to the green groups through back channels. If you drill in ANWAR all of a sudden there is more oil and the price drops. Open a nuke plant and all of a sudden the price of oil drops. Convenient eh?
My friend is convinced that if we stop using oil all will be well. In fact the economic repercussions globally would be devastating. Millions of people from oil execs, tanker sailors, truck drivers, refinery workers, and gas station attendants would be out of the job. My friend brought up a town in Vermont or someplace that started making shoes then the shoe company closed so they started making something else and were successful. To them that meant that the impact of them losing their jobs would be minimal because they would all find something else to do. This is not a town of 5000, this is a global industry of millions where many people spent years in school learning about nothing but oil. The world economy would tumble if you all of a sudden stopped using oil.
Believe me I want nothing more than to not have to use oil anymore but I don't see it happening any time soon. I have never been one to just jump willy-nilly into anything. I love protection of species and the beautiful lands we have here in America. I would love it if people would stop clear cutting the rain forests. But, trying to guilt millions of people into believing some half cocked science is not my style. Here are some resources if you are interested in learning about something other than an "inconvenient truth".
For a brief explanation of the Yellowstone Caldera and what it has done and will do again please see
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yellowstone_Caldera
Take a real look at the Prius
http://gizmodo.com/gadgets/cars/what-car-nuts-really-think-of-the-prius-hybrid-electric-322186.php?autoplay=true
For a realistic view of the greenhouse effect and global warming please see
http://www.junkscience.com/Greenhouse/
http://www.frontpagemag.com/Articles/Read.aspx?GUID={D7A01AEE-CECF-48F9-A7B3-A675E9C8F39B}
http://www.ourcivilisation.com/aginatur/moregw.htm
http://www.look-to-the-skies.com/global_warming.htm
An interesting set of resources
http://sermons.trbc.org/20070225_11AM.html
Find out why the "hockey stick" is broken
http://www.john-daly.com/hockey/hockey.htm
Our planet is in dire peril, we are running out of fossil fuels, the ice caps are melting at an alarming rate, there is an alarming amount of CO2 in our atmosphere, our ozone layer in depleted, the "hockey stick" theory of earth's temperature (which is debunked in one of the links at the end of this blog), and we are killing off species left and right. I was also informed that a recent study came out in which 100% (that's right, 100%) of scientists agree that global warming is real.
That's not exactly what I found.
My side is as follows. Humans are incapable, outside of detonating multiple, high-yield nuclear warheads, of messing out our planet in such a short amount of time. The Earth is not some fragile little glass ball floating through the comfort of a nice, soft, downy, space blanket. We have lived through ice ages and thaws, massive catastrophic meteor hits, super-volcano eruptions nearly destroying all life on Earth (please check out the Yellowstone Caldera for more info), earthquakes, tsunamis, and all sorts of mean nasty, and might I add, natural, stuff.
I further assert that in fact the "Green" movement is nothing more than a ploy to gain power and money. Al Gore was a mediocre politician until he furthered the religion of environmentalism and picked himself up a Nobel Prize. On my way to work today I heard yet another in the series of Alstate insurance ads urging us to go with Alstate because of how "Green" they are, books are sold by the millions about the environment, auto-makers make "green cars" that really aren't nearly as green as they would have you believe (Prius
The worse off people can make the environment sound the more money they make. Pure and simple. Greenpeace, one of the most destructive organizations towards the environment known to man, and exists solely by scaring people into giving money to their cause. They do everything they can to stop new nuclear power plants or anything else that would actually help the environment. They claim that they want to end our reliance on oil but in actuality they are trying to stop us from doing anything about it.
Case in point: They claim that nuclear power is dangerous and dirty. They lobby to stop the new construction of nuclear power plants, they send frogmen to disable nuke ships, and they continue with the rhetoric of Nuclear power is the worst form of energy. They also don't want us to use oil based fuels so pretty much they want us to ship our good over seas by wind and sail. In fact nuclear energy is the one of the cleanest forms of energy there is. It's not dangerous either, despite what the environmentalists tell you. They love to bring up Three Mile Island as a great tragedy and failure of nuclear power when in fact not one person died from it. Chernobyl is an example of what happens when a Communist country that can't afford to feed it's people puts Homer Simpson in charge of a reactor. That indeed is the only real example of any major problem in the history of nuclear power.
Much of Europe is indeed powered by nuclear energy yet in America we are continually told it is a bad thing and are prohibited from exploring it as a way to get safe and clean energy. There is another group that benefits from Greenpeace's war against nuke power and that is the oil industry. In fact when you boil it right down, almost everything Greenpeace and the Earth Liberation Front (ELF) do jives very well with the oil companies and it would not surprise me if there was money being funneled in from the oil companies to the green groups through back channels. If you drill in ANWAR all of a sudden there is more oil and the price drops. Open a nuke plant and all of a sudden the price of oil drops. Convenient eh?
My friend is convinced that if we stop using oil all will be well. In fact the economic repercussions globally would be devastating. Millions of people from oil execs, tanker sailors, truck drivers, refinery workers, and gas station attendants would be out of the job. My friend brought up a town in Vermont or someplace that started making shoes then the shoe company closed so they started making something else and were successful. To them that meant that the impact of them losing their jobs would be minimal because they would all find something else to do. This is not a town of 5000, this is a global industry of millions where many people spent years in school learning about nothing but oil. The world economy would tumble if you all of a sudden stopped using oil.
Believe me I want nothing more than to not have to use oil anymore but I don't see it happening any time soon. I have never been one to just jump willy-nilly into anything. I love protection of species and the beautiful lands we have here in America. I would love it if people would stop clear cutting the rain forests. But, trying to guilt millions of people into believing some half cocked science is not my style. Here are some resources if you are interested in learning about something other than an "inconvenient truth".
For a brief explanation of the Yellowstone Caldera and what it has done and will do again please see
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yellowstone_Caldera
Take a real look at the Prius
http://gizmodo.com/gadgets/cars/what-car-nuts-really-think-of-the-prius-hybrid-electric-322186.php?autoplay=true
For a realistic view of the greenhouse effect and global warming please see
http://www.junkscience.com/Greenhouse/
http://www.frontpagemag.com/Articles/Read.aspx?GUID={D7A01AEE-CECF-48F9-A7B3-A675E9C8F39B}
http://www.ourcivilisation.com/aginatur/moregw.htm
http://www.look-to-the-skies.com/global_warming.htm
An interesting set of resources
http://sermons.trbc.org/20070225_11AM.html
Find out why the "hockey stick" is broken
http://www.john-daly.com/hockey/hockey.htm
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Rock Pile Smock Pile...
Ok, so here's the deal... the Rockies are going to the World Series and they are THE hottest tickets in town. That being said most of the people fighting it out to be one of the elect to see them play have not been to a Rockies game in the recent past, nor did they know the names of more than one or two players before this fiasco started.
Don't get me wrong. I am very excited for the rockies. I actually have gone to a few games in the past and have enjoyed myself every time (almost). I myself could only name two players before all this too. But I'm not out in LoDo hootin' and hollerin' about how much I love the Rockies and how they are "my boys... WOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"
Now I don't care that this sudden Rockies mania has hit Denver like a ton of bricks, but I have seen this before.
When the Avs came to town they were winning Stanley Cups left and right and Denver, which had only seen the minor-league Grizzlies many many years ago, all of a sudden became this amazing hockey town. Games were sold out, everybody was an expert (Even though I had to explain what a two-line pass was to the idiot next to me at the game who was screaming about how the refs sucked), and the jerseys could be seen on the street from infants to elderly.
Then they started to suck and there went the Jerseys. Now as most of you know I can't stand the Avs so that is all fine and dandy with me but I happen to like the Rockies and I don't want to see the same thing happen although I know it will. If the Rockies don't do well next year people will be like "Torrial-who?" and "Kaz Mats-whaty?"
But whatever. While everybody is busy wearing Rockies shirts (newly bought I might add) to work and school, I will continue to wear my normal clothes, listen to the games on the radio, and avoid LoDo at all costs on game days. And as for the day when the Rockies win the pennant will be safe in my, middle-class, white bread neighborhood while the looters, vandals, and pyromaniacs destroy downtown. It's a Colorado thing... When one of our teams wins a championship we must show our zeal by fucking up our city. What can I say?
Don't get me wrong. I am very excited for the rockies. I actually have gone to a few games in the past and have enjoyed myself every time (almost). I myself could only name two players before all this too. But I'm not out in LoDo hootin' and hollerin' about how much I love the Rockies and how they are "my boys... WOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"
Now I don't care that this sudden Rockies mania has hit Denver like a ton of bricks, but I have seen this before.
When the Avs came to town they were winning Stanley Cups left and right and Denver, which had only seen the minor-league Grizzlies many many years ago, all of a sudden became this amazing hockey town. Games were sold out, everybody was an expert (Even though I had to explain what a two-line pass was to the idiot next to me at the game who was screaming about how the refs sucked), and the jerseys could be seen on the street from infants to elderly.
Then they started to suck and there went the Jerseys. Now as most of you know I can't stand the Avs so that is all fine and dandy with me but I happen to like the Rockies and I don't want to see the same thing happen although I know it will. If the Rockies don't do well next year people will be like "Torrial-who?" and "Kaz Mats-whaty?"
But whatever. While everybody is busy wearing Rockies shirts (newly bought I might add) to work and school, I will continue to wear my normal clothes, listen to the games on the radio, and avoid LoDo at all costs on game days. And as for the day when the Rockies win the pennant will be safe in my, middle-class, white bread neighborhood while the looters, vandals, and pyromaniacs destroy downtown. It's a Colorado thing... When one of our teams wins a championship we must show our zeal by fucking up our city. What can I say?
Thursday, October 4, 2007
the smart gun
Well, apparently I missed an amazing technological advancement. Apparently not only do we have smart bombs but smart guns. Let me tell you about them.
This morning a man in Philly carried a smart gun up to two armored car guards and the gun stuck itself up underneath the guard's vest and pulled it's trigger. It then shot the other guard point blank range and a third guard who was in the truck. The guy who was with the gun then took all the money and escaped. I'll be damned. Who knew guns were so smart?
So the chief of police of course comes out and says guns are the problem. We have way too many of these guns on the street, rabble rousing and drinking gun oil by the gallon.
YOU FUCKING IDIOT!
I've got a dick and it doesn't make me a rapist. I've got a gun too and I've never killed anybody with it. It is apparently the gun's fault that his shitty city is falling apart and crime is rampant. Who do you blame for the burglaries, rapes, and assaults? Who's fault is that Chief? You piece of shit! Just like Ray Ray Nagin blaming everybody else for his failures. I guarantee there are more guns per capita in any random Wyoming city than Philly and you don't see that kind of shit going on.
It's not the guns people. I can take a loaded gun, set it on the table pointed center mass in my chest, insult it, make fun of its mother, spit on it and that fucking thing will not shoot me. I promise. It doesn't take a gun to commit murder people, it takes a murderer. I have yet to have anybody give me a legitimate argument for gun control. You think you got one... try me.
This morning a man in Philly carried a smart gun up to two armored car guards and the gun stuck itself up underneath the guard's vest and pulled it's trigger. It then shot the other guard point blank range and a third guard who was in the truck. The guy who was with the gun then took all the money and escaped. I'll be damned. Who knew guns were so smart?
So the chief of police of course comes out and says guns are the problem. We have way too many of these guns on the street, rabble rousing and drinking gun oil by the gallon.
YOU FUCKING IDIOT!
I've got a dick and it doesn't make me a rapist. I've got a gun too and I've never killed anybody with it. It is apparently the gun's fault that his shitty city is falling apart and crime is rampant. Who do you blame for the burglaries, rapes, and assaults? Who's fault is that Chief? You piece of shit! Just like Ray Ray Nagin blaming everybody else for his failures. I guarantee there are more guns per capita in any random Wyoming city than Philly and you don't see that kind of shit going on.
It's not the guns people. I can take a loaded gun, set it on the table pointed center mass in my chest, insult it, make fun of its mother, spit on it and that fucking thing will not shoot me. I promise. It doesn't take a gun to commit murder people, it takes a murderer. I have yet to have anybody give me a legitimate argument for gun control. You think you got one... try me.
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
hugging, titties, and taxes
Well as if further evidence was needed that our society sucks, a middle school in Illinois has now banned hugging. According to the principal, Victoria Sharts (Insert Gloria Ironbox), "Hugging is really more appropriate for airports or for family reunions than passing and seeing each other every few minutes in the halls."
Gloria, excuse me, Victoria further went on to say that another pitfall of hugging is when "The hug is either unwanted or becomes inappropriate as judged by one of the students involved." So as opposed to teaching kids how to deal with uncomfortable situations and teaching them how to get themselves out of it, enter the school (insert government) to bail them out and shelter them from all evil. Don't worry sir, we only want to put cameras everywhere to keep you safe.
So now along with tobacco, guns, and drugs, we have "hug free" school zones. By God, excuse me... By the deity of your choice if you choose, there will be no hugging.
I think I have the real reason though. When one participates in the barbaric and often uncomfortable act of hugging, one must put their arms out to wrap around the other person. By doing that, even ever so briefly, their arms are out in a T-shape, thereby making a cross, so we can then postulate that hugging is a Christian thing (That we do at airports and family reunions) and being that this is a public school, we can have no mix of church and state. Make sense? Good.
As some of you may have heard, Elton john is in some hot water over a photo he owns by the famous photographer Nan Goldin that was being shown in an art gallery in England. It has two girls in it who are nude and apparently, this photo that has been published around the world, was deemed pornographic by some government peon or another, and was confiscated to see just how pornographic it is.
So as I was reading about this I found sites where people could chime in and give their thoughts. Almost 100% of the time when it was somebody from Europe posting a comment they said, "So what's the big deal" and if they were from America, land of the hug-free school zone, they said, in a nutshell, "get a rope". I have been to 14 countries now in my short life and I have seen a lot of people and cultures, and none is more repressed and sexually frustrated than the US., minus publicly in the Middle East of course but let me tell you, some of the raunchiest porn I ever saw was Iraqi porn.
Even there however you would see kids running naked in the streets, not because they didn't have clothes but because it was 135 friggen degrees. But it was no big deal there. When I was a little kid we could run naked in our yard and nobody would care. Now the SS, also known as child protective services, would throw me in a home and arrest my parents.
I think however I have the reason for that as well. America is the absolute fattest country in the world so I suppose it makes sense to start teaching our kids very young that nudity is bad and that we should all hide behind moo-moos and XXXL sweatshirts. And why hug anyway when it takes actual effort to raise those ham hock arms and most likely you wont be able to fit the arms around the other person anyway. Maybe that was it. Perhaps they did want the obese kids' feelings to be hurt by only a half hug from a friend who arms couldn't quite make it.
I don't know, but what I do know is that our country won't allow hugs in school, titties hanging out in public, raising your kid as how you see fit (no spanking please), and we have to pay taxes several times over on everything we make, buy, sell, and earn in order to live here. God bless America!
Gloria, excuse me, Victoria further went on to say that another pitfall of hugging is when "The hug is either unwanted or becomes inappropriate as judged by one of the students involved." So as opposed to teaching kids how to deal with uncomfortable situations and teaching them how to get themselves out of it, enter the school (insert government) to bail them out and shelter them from all evil. Don't worry sir, we only want to put cameras everywhere to keep you safe.
So now along with tobacco, guns, and drugs, we have "hug free" school zones. By God, excuse me... By the deity of your choice if you choose, there will be no hugging.
I think I have the real reason though. When one participates in the barbaric and often uncomfortable act of hugging, one must put their arms out to wrap around the other person. By doing that, even ever so briefly, their arms are out in a T-shape, thereby making a cross, so we can then postulate that hugging is a Christian thing (That we do at airports and family reunions) and being that this is a public school, we can have no mix of church and state. Make sense? Good.
As some of you may have heard, Elton john is in some hot water over a photo he owns by the famous photographer Nan Goldin that was being shown in an art gallery in England. It has two girls in it who are nude and apparently, this photo that has been published around the world, was deemed pornographic by some government peon or another, and was confiscated to see just how pornographic it is.
So as I was reading about this I found sites where people could chime in and give their thoughts. Almost 100% of the time when it was somebody from Europe posting a comment they said, "So what's the big deal" and if they were from America, land of the hug-free school zone, they said, in a nutshell, "get a rope". I have been to 14 countries now in my short life and I have seen a lot of people and cultures, and none is more repressed and sexually frustrated than the US., minus publicly in the Middle East of course but let me tell you, some of the raunchiest porn I ever saw was Iraqi porn.
Even there however you would see kids running naked in the streets, not because they didn't have clothes but because it was 135 friggen degrees. But it was no big deal there. When I was a little kid we could run naked in our yard and nobody would care. Now the SS, also known as child protective services, would throw me in a home and arrest my parents.
I think however I have the reason for that as well. America is the absolute fattest country in the world so I suppose it makes sense to start teaching our kids very young that nudity is bad and that we should all hide behind moo-moos and XXXL sweatshirts. And why hug anyway when it takes actual effort to raise those ham hock arms and most likely you wont be able to fit the arms around the other person anyway. Maybe that was it. Perhaps they did want the obese kids' feelings to be hurt by only a half hug from a friend who arms couldn't quite make it.
I don't know, but what I do know is that our country won't allow hugs in school, titties hanging out in public, raising your kid as how you see fit (no spanking please), and we have to pay taxes several times over on everything we make, buy, sell, and earn in order to live here. God bless America!
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